We Can’t Fix It All

 

As moms we want to always protect our children. When they hurt themselves or are sick, we want nothing more than to take it from them. The reality is we can’t so we do what we feel like a good mama should do. We bring them pain relief and ice for their broken bone. Fever reducer and liquids for their illness.  We do all we can to “fix it.”

When it comes mental illness, we can’t just fix it. As moms, we don’t have that power. Fever reducer and ice packs can’t take this pain away. This requires far more than we have in our mom toolbox for injuries and illnesses. 

Even though I struggle with mental illness myself and know what to do and expect, when our child was finally, officially diagnosed in February of 2023 my heart was so divided. On one hand I was so grateful to finally have these answers that I had been searching for since 2018. On the other hand, my heart shattered because I knew *I* couldn’t fix this. This would require a lot of work from my child, along with medication and intense therapy. And it would require a true desire for my child to want to be happy and live life again. 

I couldn’t do this for my child, nor could I take away any of this from them. Everything that needed to happen after that first hospital stay was up to them. I administered all meds, which definitely play a part in recovery and getting better, but the decision to do the hard work was up to my child. They could sit in the therapy session for an hour and say nothing or they could talk and make the effort to get better, either way I simply wouldn’t be able to change it.  

Those first 13 months were hard. SO hard. There were so many ups and downs. SO many emergency psych and therapy appointments. Another hospital stay. More failures. But my child slowly made the decision to improve their life. To find joy. That life was worth living. 

And I realized that my child doesn’t need their mama every step of the way day in and day out. That they are growing up and maturing. That they are capable of really hard things.  And I hope and pray you can see this in your child too. 

So…..

Mama, I hear you. Mama, I’m here for you. Mama, we’re in this together. 

XOXOXO

Mary