I Did It

The other day I spoke about triggers. Little did I know days later I would be faced with one of mine…

I have been doing better. Truly I have, but when there are certain times that I have to remind myself that I am okay, that my child is okay. And a few days ago, I spent hours having to do this and it sucked, absolutely sucked. 

You see, in August and October the sheriffs office was involved in saving our child’s life. While I am forever indebted, the reality is seeing them brings back those memories. And living in a small town, I see those exact same ones all the time. However, I can say hi and move on. 

This day was different. I was at an event and one was there also in attendance. While she wasn’t one that had ever assisted us, the emotions were raw. I spent the following 3 hours fighting tears and reminding myself to breathe. Reminding myself that my child was safe, healthy, and happy. Once I was able, I left as quickly as possible where the tears finally spilled over. 

While that night was hard, so hard, and I didn’t escape unscathed, I did it. I kept it together as long as I needed to, something that would have been impossible just a month or two ago and we are nearly 8 months out. 

There is no timeline to our healing. There is no timeline as to when we won’t remember the raw trauma of those events. They were real. They happened. Time helps, but I’m learning even with time, it’s still hard. Really, really hard sometimes. 

If you’re still struggling…..

Mama, I hear you. Mama, I’m here for you. Mama, we’re in this together. 

XOXOXO

Mary